All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
