I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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