I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
