His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
