My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
