Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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