it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize