thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
