I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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