I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
