I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
