Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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