i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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