I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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