____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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