in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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