ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
