It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
