You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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