Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think my moral compass just broke
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