We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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