Betty ford says i'm here all night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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