Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
