Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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