there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
pop tarts are not kleenex
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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