It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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