I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
