I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
