Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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