Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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