He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
