I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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