someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
why is half of my head shaved?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
