No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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