So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
