"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
