remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she told me i tasted like america
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
