Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
