i just had sex bonerless
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
