There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The Olympian is in my bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
