Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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