I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
