I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Drake has all the answers
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize