if you like me you must not know who I am
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
please come you make the beer taste better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
