and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
