Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
