eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
