The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
