the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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