Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
