bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
