I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
