I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's get the cat blown out
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