a search helicopter?!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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