I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
