I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My ass is underappreciated
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
