whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
