I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize