just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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