mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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