At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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