i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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