new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
