What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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