I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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