The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
